
When someone asks me childbirth must be the toughest part of being pregnant, I tell them,
childbirth was the easiest experience, post-partum was the toughest for me.
I am not being smart and trust me my childbirth experience was no fun game. I had early labour for
3-4 days. I went into hospital where the contractions/surges came at 1 min apart, but I had not
dilated. I wanted to go all natural, but there was so much intervention like my water was broken and
then was going to be given synthetic oxytocin so I was advised to take epidural as it will intensify the
contractions/surges. I took the epidural, but it did not work on my right side, so I was able to feel all
the effects of synthetic oxytocin on my right side. I took another dose of epidural but no luck I was
able to feel everything on my right limb and I was also able to feel the episiotomy and stitching of my episiotomy (I asked my midwife to give me local anaesthesia so that I won’t feel the stitches). All
this and I still say that my childbirth was the easiest.
All this experience lasted for 13 hours but post-partum is longer and seems like never ending. I am
from Eastern part of the world where grandparents are heavily involved in early ages of the baby.
Mothers literally must rest and feed the baby while everything else is done by everyone else like
cooking, feeding, walking or rocking with the baby. This helps the mother to recover and not have
baby blues but at the same time connect with herself and the baby.
Unfortunately, in modern world this is not available as we all have busy lives, and we don’t live near
our families anymore, so mums don’t get the support that they need to raise the baby. Mostly, it’s
just the Mum and Dad raising the baby and Dads have very few days of paternal leaves.
Some countries are doing well on that area like in Austria, mums get two years of maternity leaves.
Some companies give 3 months of paternity leaves.
In India there is the period of initial 40 days since the childbirth where mothers just relax and feed
the baby, everything else is taken care of by the family, cooking, cleaning, and so on, even mums are
fed if they are feeding baby. My parents stayed with me for first 9 weeks and it was a great
experience. When my parents left, hell broke upon me and I suffered from postpartum depression.
My husband would go to work and I will be home alone with a tiny baby and I will be scared to do
put my baby down and go to the loo in case something would happen to him in my absence. I would
not let anyone help me too. Also, we moved houses when my baby was two and half months old and
it was stressful. My in-laws helped us a lot through the process, but all these were big changes that
happened at the same time. I loved my apartment where I used to live, I was house bound and all
alone. I missed going to work and using my intellectual side. I enjoyed working and this was the first
time was home with a baby. I would not feel like cooking so we will order food all the time and I
started gaining weight post-partum. I was unhappy, would always cry and to be honest winter times
do not help. I was just dragging myself through days and nights.
My parents in law would visit me couple of times in a week and help me around like they would
bring the bins out and clean the house. My husband stated to work from home for a couple of days a
week. Instead of getting takeaways all the time, I asked a friend to cook for me so that it will be
healthy, and I paid her. I hired a cleaner to come once in two weeks. I hired a part-time nanny so
that she can pay with my baby while I can cook or take shower. These all affected my savings but I
had to prioritise my well-being over monetary gains but of course, my husband was working and we
were able to pay our bills with that (Thank God for that). I started to push myself to go out and
about with the baby, go for walks with fellow mums, meet other people and invite people over for
cup of tea/playdates. I started taking supplements like Vitamin D and multi vitamins based on my
Doctor’s advice as sometimes if some vitamins or minerals are low in your body that adds to your
feelings too as you have less energy. Finally, when my baby was a year old, I started to feel better
again. My parents came back to stay with us for few weeks to celebrate my baba’s birthday and we
went for a vacation. Life was getting better and I was feeling better. Having the help makes you less
stressed and burdened.
I always wanted kids and wanted them to bring them up in the right way. I thought it will be easy as
all my friends back home had kids and they were happy. What I forgot to notice that they all had a
great support system so they were all happy with the experience of motherhood. For me, the ideal
situation would have been, a house where my kid is with my parents living next door or with me. I
will have a full-time nanny so that my parents who are retired can play with the grandkid and have
nanny to help them with daily activities. I could have returned to work without guilt and all will be
well. Unfortunately, I could have afforded it if I stayed back home. I live in Ireland where having this
kind of support system for a new mother is expensive and not all can afford it. We have to be
realistic and make the best of the situation we have. You need to push for things that you need to
make you feel better and be able to move forward. We do not need to bounce back but move
forward.
It is essential to have a good support system to help the new mum for their physical, mental and
spiritual health. Let’s see what we can do to help ourselves as a new mum and fellow mums.
The video below is really going to make you rethink about the postpartum care (you need to take
care of yourself to help you recover and move forward), just ignore the line that American mothers
deserve better care but it should be ‘every mother deserves better care’:
Postpartum Care is forever – This is the key.